Dear Lauren and Lydia,
You’ve grown up…you really have. Lauren you’re almost done with high school, starting college in just a short 2 months. You’re at the age I was when I was dating your dad and eventually marrying him!
My role as your mom is changing. I feel it every day. You’re growing more independent. Wanting me to be involved with your lives and yet wanting some distance from mom. It’s a tricky balance for me to figure out.
These are a couple of things I’ve noticed lately that I just want you to give thought to. These are things that I’ve worked on and struggled with my entire life. Perfection and mastery of these is not the end goal…but they are at least worth giving thought to. God will lead you as you work out your faith and life with Him.
1. There is more than enough love to go around. It might not feel like it sometimes…but if love seems scarce than it’s not really love. Love multiplies as it’s given. Love is not about being left out. When you realize that there is enough love to go around you will stop thrashing, pushing,and having to have your own way. You will be able to rest, be at peace and find contentment. My understanding of this is improving all the time…I still occasionally struggle with it, but I know it’s true. Relationships need air and space to breathe in. When we aren’t sure if we will be loved we panic, cling and become people who are not our best selves. God loves you. He delights in you just the way you are right now. You don’t have to earn or deserve His love. And…you have people in your life who love you unconditionally too. So when you are not at rest step back and check yourself…most likely you are buying into the myth that there is only so much love and there is not enough for you. This truth when lived out will either make you a secure confident woman or if you don’t believe it, an insecure, clingy woman.
2. Make sure God is your source…your anchor, the constant in your life. He is the only one who can be your hope, your refuge, your shield and stronghold. He is the only one who can be your peace and love you the way you need to be loved at the core of you. You will have amazing people come into your life but even amazing people cannot meet your deepest needs. If you look to God to meet those needs instead your relationships will be far healthier. No human being can handle the pressure or expectations that should only be placed on God. Again…if you trust God to be your source you will be a secure, confident woman. If you don’t you will become resentful and cause others around you to shut down or get angry when they realize that they can never meet your expectations.
3. Believe the best about people. Especially those closest to you. You will be tempted to jump to bad conclusions and false assumptions. Especially if you believe there is only so much love to go around. You might even find yourself withholding from others because you are hurt and feel they are withholding from you. But don’t do it. Learn to recognize you are falling into this pattern and you and the people around you will be far happier. Trust instead. Even if you might be taken advantage of from time to time. It’s worth the risk and will change everything about how you respond to life.
These are all struggles I know well. To some degree I will always probably have tinges of these things in my life. Which means I’ve probably passed on some of these things to you girls without meaning to.
I love you two and want you to be the secure confident women that God has created you to be. The only way that can happen is if you believe at the core of you that there is enough love, God is able and the only one who can meet your needs and believing the best about people becomes your default way to live.
Love your momma